This is my first draft, some of the feedback I recieved:
Generally better cinematography, well lit and some good action.
To improve:
It is too long, need to lose 2 to 2 and a half minutes.
Driving sequence is too long - feedback commented 'it becomes boring'
The music is too loud and overpowering all of the way through with no control of levels.
No titles apart from the production titles
Shaky pans and tilts - these could be reshot?
Why does the main character talk to himself (“What was that?”). You need to be able to show that he finds the 'OCD tidiness' out of the ordinary through editing, not him saying it.'I
'I cannot hear his phone conversation as the music is too loud.'
The ‘thump’ should be louder than the music - or alternatively the music could be quieter.
Do we actually need to SEE the murder? Perhaps stop before then or cut to him leaving? What about cutting to him wiping the knife?
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